Monday, July 28, 2008

Mom's Everywhere Can Relate To This Great Mama

I was on eBAY about this time last year, when a particular auction caught my eye. And as I read it, I laughed out loud.... hysterically! I had forgotten about Dawn until I came across her blog a few months back. Since then, I have been reading up on her life stories (and have added her to my "website that I visit list" in case you ever want to check her out- her blog is called, "Because I Said So"). She's a great writer and coming from a mom just like us... she sure knows how to tell it like it is and so I'm grateful for her!

If you missed hearing about this particular auction you can catch it here.

Enjoy a great laugh on me!


Here's a bit of background:

Dawn from Illinois was an ordinary mom of six children and had hit her limit. For reasons that will become clear (read below) she went to the computer and banged out an eBay listing for an opened pack of Pokemon cards. The listing turned into something more. People found it. They e-mailed the link to more people. It became not about the cards but about the mom, about the universal experience of motherhood. I guess she received more than 10,000 e-mails. Her blog got nearly 100,000 hits on a single day that same week. She said that she was contacted by book publishers, a movie producer and Nickelodeon. Moms everywhere wrote that she had caused them to laugh until they wet their pants.

I think her pack of 44 Pokemon cards ended up selling for almost $143.00.

It took me a little while to scrounge it up but here's what she said in her eBAY listing:

I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…
MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!

“Oh my, you have your hands full.”

“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.

A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”

Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”
“No.”
“Can we get cupcakes?”
“No.”
“Can we get muffins?”
“No.”
“Can we get pie?”
“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”
I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”

(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't think there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Nothing "Plane" About Today



Oh to be four years old again and to see life through my children's eyes. I wish I'd received a nickel for every time I heard the words, "Mom, Look!"... I'd be a gazillionaire today. This day was precious and I will hold on tight to the memory of Caleb and his enthusiastic expressions (which did not really change from one plane to the next.... in his opinion they were all equally cool. We tuckered the kids out walking in the blaz'n hot sun while we checked out several historical and current aircrafts.

It was well worth the blisters I got (quote Damon, "from not wearing proper footwear.") And it was worth carrying heavy lawn chairs for the mile walk that we never ended up using.

The highlight of our day was watching the Blue Angels in motion. What amazing talent and precision the pilots had. Caleb has decided that when he's done being a garbage man, he'd like to fly planes when he grows up. I hope you reach for the stars little guy... reach big. I love you!

~A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.~ Bill Vaugn
















Monday, July 21, 2008

Backyard Buds

Caleb received a new big boy bike for his 4th birthday back in March. He's been happily practicing blazing the sidewalk for months now. But every once in awhile, he enjoys a good race, one where the race track is familiar, one that gives him an edge over his competitor... and one that he can still win!

THE MAIN EVENT:

The track: Our backyard patio
The vehicles: Our two mini tricycles
The racers: Caleb vs. Dad
The winner: Always Caleb

Caleb's Understudy: Young, but promising Porter McKay

Take Care!










Thursday, July 17, 2008

Wheel of Fort-None

We had a good time! We kissed Pat and we hugged Vanna. Our shirts were a hit! We were enthusiastic and prepared. But, we didn't have any luck! Nobody from our group got called up... and although we were unsuccessful in getting up on stage, we can now recite for you word for word The Wheelmobile's entourage of jokes, jumps, and game verbiage...if you want a demo, just let us know! :)

Good luck girlfriends, we still have a chance!






Pas De Deux

Ok, wow. I have never even heard of this dance before, but all I can say is BEAUTIFUL. I literally found myself holding my breath through this one. It was amazing. Yes, they have a slight mess up in the beginning, but even that didn't ruin it for me. I honestly don't think their could have been a better match up on the show than Katee and Will. Probably the two best dancers on there paired up and then getting this amazing choreography. I wish they could dance together every week! It was a GREAT show last night though, wasn't it? There were so many numbers that I loved! This was by far my favorite though! Enjoy!!


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Great Out-Smores

It has been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. And it's the only vacation that requires us to pack WAY to much stuff for only being gone for just a few days. It's the experience, it's the memories, it's what we do year after year... and I LOVE it. There's something about being far away from the phone, TV, COMPUTER, and even the clock.. where time is dictated by the sun's position and our hungry bellies.

The whole fam dam was there (w/ the exception of Kris, Anders, and new baby Sophie). Our camping style is really laid back and with the help of our covert secret campsites which we select every year, the kids have extra room to run around and play. We appreciated the terrific warm weather and set up camp on the beach front all day Saturday, complete with an inflatable pool and hose. My husband gave me the "okay, you were right to insist we bring all that" look as he watched all of the kids having a grand time and all of the "other" kids/parents envious of our brilliant idea.

When we returned home, I asked Caleb what his favorite part of our camping trip was.

His response, "I loved the Smores, mom!" Bottom line, we could have stayed home and cooked smores on our bbq or our stove for that matter, and that would have satisfied him.

Thanks Ry & Kim for being there! We had a great time! Here are a few pictures from our weekend at camp.


The kids told us that there tummy's were so full... and in the next breath they asked, "Can we have some smores?"











The kids loved our campfire stories and begged for more!































Thanks Dad for being our cook! You look tired...you need a vacation. :)




I love my family!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Wheel of Fortune Girls Night Out

This week (July 15th & 16th) at the Emerald Queen Casino, you will find a 32 foot Winnebago called the "Wheelmobile". You'll also find me and 9 of my fantastic friends auditioning to be on Americas #1 game show.... The Wheel of Fortune. Will luck be on our side? We sure hope so!

In the attempt to give us an edge, my great and creative friend Jen designed us T-shirts. But if luck and the T-shirts don't get us called up we still know that this will be a great time!... And you never know we might just end up with a fabulous story.

Our Shirts:




What are we getting ourselves into? If you're curious as to what goes on at a Wheel of Fortune audition, here's a little preview-



If you love this show, send us some advice... we can use all the help we can get!

Take Care!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Kudos To Stephanie Mondrut



Stephanie I just wanted to take a minute to tell you how much I LOVE your blog. You are a great writer! I thoroughly enjoy reading your hilarious stories. Therefore, you are awarded with the "I Love Your Blog Award". Keep it, put it on your blog, enjoy it for awhile... and then pass it along to someone else. Love ya, Steph!

Take Care!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

A History Lesson & A Great BBQ Recipe

History is not one of my strong suites. Okay, so either is Geography or Math... and in the spirit of trying to teach my four year old the reason we celebrate Mom's favorite holiday, I needed a refresher. If you're like me and can't remember the reason and details that brought the Fourth of July to life, take a quick moment to read and remember why we live in the greatest nation on earth!



At the time of the signing the US consisted of 13 colonies under the rule of England's King George III. Leading up to the signing, there had been growing unrest in the colonies surrounding the taxes that colonists were required to pay to England. The major objection was "Taxation without Representation" -- the colonists had no say in the decisions of English Parliament.
Rather than negotiating, King George sent extra troops to the colonies to help control any rebellion that might be arising. The following timeline will give you a crash course in the history that lead to the signing of the Declaration of Independence and America's break from British rule.

1774 - The 13 colonies send delegates to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to form the First Continental Congress. While unrest was brewing, the colonies were far from ready to declare war.

April 1775 - King George's troops advance on Concord, Massachusetts, prompting Paul Revere's midnight ride that sounded the alarm "The British are coming, the British are coming."
The subsequent battle of Concord, famous for being the "shot heard round the world," would mark the unofficial beginning of the American Revolution.

May 1776 - After nearly a year of trying to work our their differences with England, the colonies again send delegates to the Second Continental Congress.

June 1776 - Admitting that their efforts were hopeless, a committee was formed to compose the formal Declaration of Independence. Headed by Thomas Jefferson, the committee also included John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Philip Livingston and Roger Sherman.

June 28, 1776 - Jefferson presents the first draft of the declaration to congress.

July 4, 1776 - After various changes to Jefferson's original draft, a vote was taken late in the afternoon of July 4th. Of the 13 colonies, 9 voted in favor of the Declaration; 2, Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted No; Delaware was undecided and New York abstained.
John Hancock, President of the Continental Congress, was the first to sign the Declaration of Independence. It is said that he signed his name "with a great flourish" so "King George can read that without spectacles!"

July 6, 1776 - The Pennsylvania Evening Post is the first newspaper to print the Declaration of Independence.

July 8, 1776 - The first public reading of the declaration takes place in Philadelphia's Independence Square. The bell in Independence Hall, then known as the "Province Bell" would later be renamed the "Liberty Bell" after its inscription - "Proclaim Liberty Throughout All the Land Unto All the Inhabitants Thereof."

August 1776 - The task begun on July 4, the signing of the Declaration of Independence, was not actually completed until August. Nonetheless, the 4th of July has been accepted as the official anniversary of United States independence from Britain.

July 4, 1777 - The first Independence Day celebration takes place. It's interesting to speculate what those first 4th festivities were like. By the early 1800s the traditions of parades, picnics, and fireworks were firmly established as part of American Independence Day culture.

Do you need a great tasting BBQ recipe for the 4th? This one is delicious!



Ingredients:

2 cups tomato juice
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1/3 cup ketchup
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 dash hot sauce
2 pounds beef sirloin, cut into 1 inch cubes
1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, stems removed
1 pint cherry tomatoes
1 large onion, quartered
1 large green bell pepper, cut into 1 inch pieces
skewers

Cooking Instructions:

1. In a saucepan over low heat, mix the tomato juice, butter, onion, ketchup, mustard, salt, paprika, pepper, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, and hot sauce. Simmer for 30 minutes, remove from heat, and allow to cool.

2. Preheat grill for medium heat.

3. Thread the sirloin cubes, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, onion quarters, and green pepper pieces onto skewers, alternating as desired. Drizzle some of the sauce over the kabobs.

4. Oil the grill grate. Arrange kabobs on the grill. Grill 10 minutes, or until meat is cooked through, occasionally turning kabobs. Baste with sauce during the last 5 minutes.

Take Care!