Kids Sure Know How To Humble Their Parents

Today was a horrible no good very bad day at church. Unfortunately, there was nothing quiet, reverent, or much behaved on our pew. It was as though Caleb was out to get me- he knew exactly which buttons to push and at what exact moment. Combined with the fact that Damon and I were both singing in the choir today and chose to sit towards the front of the chapel did not help our little family. The combined mixture of it all created an episode that turned out to be rather humiliating. I'll spare you the little misbehaving details (although there were many), and skip right to the main performance.

Caleb was lying on the floor (again). I asked him nicely three times to sit up on the pew and fold his arms and get ready for the prayer. He didn't listen to me. I try picking him up to put him on the pew myself. I'm mad (because not only is he not listening, but now every bone in his body has gone limp and he's a dead weight weighing in at what feels like 60 lbs. Although, I know this isn't true, I try again only this time I rev myself up knowing I'll have to put more energy into my grab to counter his lifeless body. I grab around his waist and under his legs and put him on the pew (with a little harder sit then I normally would because I'm mad and because I want him to know I mean business.)

Caleb scowls at me and with a loud voice says,

"Mom, you hurt my penis!"

I died. I hear snickers from a few rows back and I can see shoulders shaking with laughter from a few pews in front of me. I think to myself, "This is why we should always sit in the back of the chapel."

Because there are a few snickers, this makes Caleb even madder to which he continues, "That's not funny!"

And where is my husband you ask? At the other end of the pew, reading his scriptures and enjoying the serenity, peace and quiet without two kids crawling on him.

All those in favor of compiling their child's most memoriable/embarassing remarks in church into a book, please raise your hand! I'd have one more contribution to make to the addition. And by the way... what in the world would you call such a book?